Maggies Farm...

SURVEILLANCE
I live on the twenty second floor.
Harry has the flat downstairs.
When I first moved here Harry said:
When two ants are doing it,
in the crack on the concrete car park,
down there man.
It sounds like Madonna in the back of
a stretch limo making out on Avenue B
with a Puerto Rican kid called Jose.
Harry wasn't wrong, even the passing traffic
sounds sexy from the twenty second floor.

I invited Natasha up for the weekend last month,
Harry fell off the step ladder when she came
and broke his leg. He won't be doing Callanetics,
naked for a while, in front of that six foot mirror
with his head phones on, tuned into the Bob Dylan
tapes I've been playing to the bug he stuck in my
bedroom lightswitch last year when I went to Butlins.

I know what Harry gets up to because I've got a
fibre optic lens, poking through the hole I drilled
in his ceiling rose when the gas man was due and
he had to turn the meter over in a hurry.

Everybody says that fifty per cent of Harry's head
went walkabout in Katmandu about five years
before anybody met him. Nobody knows what
happened to the other half of his brain.

Last time I saw Harry, he had his left leg in
plaster, a skateboard superglued to his bare right
foot and a crutch under one arm. In his free hand
he carried a walking stick for locating ants to
colonise the concrete crack. He'd just totalled his
Giro on two little pills that he hoped would make
him think that he could fly.

I said: What are you going to do with that bargain
bucket of Kentucky you've got gripped between
your teeth?
Harry said: I'm going to take it home and dissect it
man. It's got to last me all week, so I'm going to
stirfry it up with those bean shoots I grow with my
Herb in the window box.
I said: That sounds good.
And do you know what Harry said?
He said: I ain't gonna work on Maggie's Farm no more!
SALFORD 1992

Fashion on the dole...

SALFORD WOMEN
The women dress like little girls
and the girls dress like little women
and the little girls dress like their
mam's dressed twenty years ago.
But that's fashion on the dole.
Round here a woman's old -
when she gets to forty,
then she dresses like Ena Sharples
for the next thirty years -
unless she's got a young bloke,
or a husband with a proper job.
Then she'll dress like a girl
and everyone'll say:
"She's fit for an old bag."
Except for the blokes down the pub.
They're not bothered as long
as they've got their entrance fee.
Barmaids are like that sometimes -
mutton dressed as lamb!
You'd think they'd have plenty
of money - with all those tips -
but it doesn't work like that.
All those coins go in the gas.
Or the husband drinks it with
the Giro every other Thursday lunch.
That's why the women dress like girls
and the girls dress like little women
and the little girls dress like their
mam's dressed twenty years ago.
CCLSIS1992

Paris Quatre...

HIS DIRTY FEET
Who's that man
on the Left Bank street?
He's the tramp
from St Germain!
And the chic step over
his dirty feet when
they go to buy their
bread and meat.
He lies in a pool of piss
outside Parfum Maison!
Who's that tramp
on the Left Bank street?
He's the man
from St Germain!
And the chic step over
his dirty feet when
they go to buy their
bread and meat.
He pisses in a pool of lies
outside Parfum Maison!
19697

Don't say nothing...

ONE DAY
Don't bother no-one
and you'll be alright
as long as you don't
look daft or too fuggin clever.
If someone nicks your car,
tell me - but don't say nothin'
if you know who's done it -
You won't be able
to sleep at night
or go for a drink.
You'll always be looking
over your shoulder.
Then one day
when you think
you're alright
they'll stick you -
in the back.
SALFORD 1990