To my secret lover!..

SWEET
NOTHINGS
To my secret lover
just to let you know,
that I can't live
without my girlfriend
'cos I love her so!!
How I wish that
she was near -
how I dream that
she was here.
So I could whisper
in her ear:
Sweet, sweet, sweet,
sweet nothings!
That only she can hear.
Lots of pots and pans
of love and pockets
overflowing...
But without my
girlfriend near -
but without my
lover here, there ain't
no way of knowing:
Sweet, sweet, sweet,
sweet nothings!
That only she can hear.
From your secret love...
Guess who?
28701

MUSICIAN WANTED...

LYRICIST
SEEKS
MUSICIAN
I can't do what
you can do.
Like Dylan, Lennon
+ Lou can do!
'Cos I can't
write a tune -
like you!
And very soon,
if I don't hear
from you!
I'll have a zillion
words to throw away!
Call Danny today:
0911-555-4999
9797

Salford Ski Slope...

COWARDY CUSTARDS
Last one to the bottom's
a Cowardy custard
said little Joey
aged five.
He was seated behind his
baby brother, Christopher
aged two
in their plastic breadcrate
toboggan, precariously perched
at the top of
Salford Ski Slope.
(Bet not many people
know about that.)
Next down was Brian
aged seven.
He slid to the bottom on
a mangled bike frame
without any wheels.
But the fastest and
best skier was Carol
aged six,
on a piece of toughened glass
from the old bus shelter
on Churchill Way.....
Previously published in Cowardy Custard's Last Stand in Salford 1992

Song #7

SHIRLEY
(SHE'S SUCH
A NICE GIRL)
Shirley -
she's such a nice girl -
really!
Such a nice girl -
I guess that's why that -
they call her Shirl!
Go on Shirley -
give us a twirl.
Such a nice girl -
I guess that's why that -
they call her Shirl!
Shirley -
twirly wurly Shirley -
twirly wurly Shirley -
Go on Shirley -
give us a twirl.
repeat.
AS1999

Alpha to Omega...

GREEK ALPHABET
Alpha beat a gamma
with a delta
in epsilom
while zeta eta theta
in iota and
kappa and lambda
joined the MU +
Newcastle XI
for omicron pie
as they row
sigma in tow
up silom
with phi chi
and psi
to omega...
ASP1982

HARRY'S EPIGRAM
D.O.A. Special K said the Doc.
in his bedside/telephone way.
Some said that he fell.
Others that he was pushed + punched.
I thought that he could float.
There again, I knew the man that sold
him the stuff that made him high.
All twenty two floors of it.
Two hundred foot, freefall, 'til the pavement
came up and met him.
Leaving the Coroner to write the final
epigram for the 'Local Rag'.
SALFORD 1992